After having everything I ever wanted I
drove my car into a ditch. While the searchlights flickered white and whiter
I bled out all my wanting in the dirt. And endless flow of red,
highlighter red, that default red,
and I learned that all I am is body.

When I was 6 I found out
I could know what wanting was
black and bile and in the dirt. I learned face down
what the color red looked like.
I learned how to be a body.

Dirt is not just fingernails, and red is not just
blood.     Caesura not just white but ringing. Not just fingernails,
not just skin and leather. Sometimes
I am fragrant with wanting. Sometimes I
will grow back wild vines where my heart was.